They tell you foster care is hard. There are classes and preparation. You hear stories from those who have traveled the road before you.
Yet-none of that prepares you for the feelings. Each step of the process comes with conflicting feelings that you never imagined you could feel at the same time. There are thoughts that bring forth guilt, sadness, compassion and joy.
Last week, Little Man went home. We had known for a month that it was coming. We were "prepared". But nothing can prepare you for the first time you take a precious baby home, knowing that you will never see them again. The day we got the official word from the caseworker, there were tears of sadness and tears of joy. I hugged a mama goodbye at a visit and got to experience her joy at knowing her babies were coming home. And then I had to turn around and tell the girls the news.
The girls have surprised us at every turn throughout this process. They have been patient, helpful and compassionate beyond what we had imagined. Both girls have shed tears, but they have also expressed joy knowing that Dawson was reunited with his family. Ashlynn first comment was "Mama, God is SO good!" They asked if we would ever see him again, and my response was "probably not...actually we hope not". Because as much as we LOVE Dawson, we want what is best for him. We want his mama to thrive and to succeed.
Little man-you changed our hearts forever. We are still praying for you and hoping for you. We love you <3 p="">
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